All I Want For My Birthday Is a 5 Star Review

Sunday 17th September 2017

So whilst my ass jiggles up and down on the washing machine, while I wait for the spin cycle to finish, I thought that I ought to write another blog and fill you in on what’s been happening in my world this week.

The weather has been moderate to say the least and this resulted in a change of itinerary and visits to a couple of alternative ports to avoid the worst of the weather. For the guests I’m sure that it was a major disappointment/inconvenience but for us crew members it was a rare treat of a break from the normal routine.

Instead of San Remo in Italy, we got to spend the day in Toulon in France where on a mountain biking expedition I stumbled upon the only store where I actually like to shop in, the sports and outdoor clothing emporium Décathlon. They sell equipment and clothing for every single sport under the sun, from billiards, to bowling and snowboarding to snorkeling.

What a place! I whiled away a good couple of hours there just browsing and came away a few Euros lighter and a pair of child’s Puma jogging bottoms heavier. I’m not sure what sizes children come in these days, but they must be a lot bigger than when I was small because they fit me with room to grow into and they were a bargain price to boot!

We also had a couple of casino birthdays during the week, including mine, so last night we all went out for dinner in Palma de Mallorca to celebrate. Our resident food connoisseur and casino manager Shane found us a fantastic spot to celebrate and we ate so much that I didn’t think I’d be able to work that night or fit into my uniform.

It was a delicious meal though, my favourite being the lambs liver starter that we shared as part of our tapas, before forcing a 12oz rare fillet steak into my already overfull body.

We decided to call into the nearby casino on the walk back to ship to try and kickstart our metabolisms and fight off the rapidly approaching food coma that I was in danger of irreversibly slipping into. We befell mixed fortunes at the tables, with Shane coming out best of all, with a €600+ win on the electronic roulette table.

I was just happy to win my money back on the blackjack table after a disastrous start which nearly saw me wiped out in the first five hands. The dealer beat me mercilessly, even getting a blackjack when I had 21. Now I know why the guests hate me so much every night. That and my sarcastic quips I guess!!

Not a bad birthday at all, especially considering on the day itself, that I received a huge bouquet of beautiful flowers delivered to the casino and got a big bar of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk courtesy of one of the players!

If you missed the opportunity to reward me with chocolate or floral tributes, you can of course still make my day by leaving Hippomottie Goes To Space a review on Amazon or Kindle.

If you downloaded the ebook or ordered the paperback version then you should have the opportunity to leave a review automatically or you can just log on to the page here (for UK based people) or here (for US readers). It would really really mean a lot to me and is much cheaper than sticking money in a card!! #WinWin


Other than that everything else is pretty routine. The ship is still sailing from port to port. The book has been well received and we got plenty of downloads during our five day free period. We also sold quite a few hardback copies which was very encouraging. Book 2 is in the final stages of production and will hopefully be ready soon and the Hippomottie toys are coming to life with the help of some special alien technology.

So don’t forget, please leave us a review and Pavel, Amelia K. Amherst, Hippomottie and I will all love you forever!!!

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